Super Stalker Mom

I'm now convinced that babies and video monitors can be put on the list of torture devices used by government agencies! I came to this conclusion by using this torturous combo on myself and can certify that it will drive someone crazy! I stared at that video monitor for over an hour while I laid in my bed in the dark. I got up 3 times to put the pacifier back in Rhett's mouth (add pacifiers to torture devices...It's pretty mean of me to give this kid a pacifier and then bind his hands in a swaddle blanket so that as soon as it falls out he can't get it - well let me clarify, he hasn't found his hands quite yet so even if he had his hands he couldn't put it back in, but actually having them bound in a blanket seems even meaner).

Side note - I am stalking the video monitor telling it to "go to sleep, little boy" as I type this...it's not working :)

These monitors are even designed for psycho stalkers like me. The video will shut off after a minute or two and you have to actively turn it back on. I'm sure the manufacturer would have you believe it is to save the battery life, but I know it's to cause further torture by making me actively participate in this whole process even more.

So, last night he woke up at about 4 and started grunting and moving around. He wasn't out of his swaddle. I was waiting on him to break free and really wake up and let me know he was hungry. This is a game we play every night (well, except the rare nights that he sleeps all the way through). So in addition to waking up to feed him, I'm awake about 30 minutes before I feed him and for about 15 minutes after as he falls asleep, so it's over an hour for me. (I just tapped the button to turn the video back on). I decided after about 20 minutes this time since he was still secure in his swaddle to try to give him a pacifier and see if that calmed him down. I was just trying to buy time till 5am. If he sleeps till 5am I don't have to get him up at 6 to eat so while 6 is the overall goal, I was really just shooting for 5.

The clock was ticking down and the pacifier would fall out and I would jump up and run to his room and find it and put it back in in the dark which is not as easy as it might sound like (from my stalker monitor, I knew about where the pacifier was but had no easy way to determine where his mouth would be since he hardly stays still during this part of the game). (Click - video turned back on, Squirmy in there is fighting his nap). At 4:50 I decided not to get up to get the pacifier for him when it fell out. I figured he could get himself nice and worked up and it would be after 5 and I was home free. I watched that monitor for 20 minutes as he slept just waiting for him to grunt and start the process that lets me know it's time to feed the little guy. I was fighting off going back to sleep myself, there isn't much that is more frustrating than dozing back off for 7 minutes.

The next thing I knew, my 5:50 "feed Rhett" alarm was going off. Literally, I have alarms set on my phone set for 10 minutes before his feedings and they're marked as "feed Rhett" just so I don't let time get away from me if I'm, for example, updating the blog! I couldn't believe it - that little man had gone all the way back to sleep and I had to go wake him up to eat. So, I completely lost that game since I was still up for 1+ hour even though I didn't feed him and he technically didn't get up, but I'm more than happy to concede victory to his full night of sleep! (Click - just turned the monitor back on...keep in mind, I can hear him grunting... I know he is trying to get out of his swaddle and I can tell my the grunts/cries that he's not out yet and is getting really tired of trying - I just want to torture myself by seeing it, too).

So back to my original point, who stares at a video monitor for over an hour in the middle of the night? And then doesn't learn their lesson?!?! I admit that sometimes I click the monitor when he's napping so that I can see his sweet sleeping face. But most of the time it is to stalk him. (Click...his eyes are shut, he's silent...they were when the screen went off, too...no real need to click it back on but I do...it's a compulsion). I'm pretty sure that the baby/monitor combo should be registered as a weapon in psychological warfare because I can recognize that it is 100% absolutely crazy to do what I have done in the past 8 hours.

When the monitor is actually plugged in to the wall (at night), I don't have to re-click. It stays on if it's on. It was a huge milestone when I was able to start sleeping with it off. I'm sure FJ appreciated getting rid of the night light (and for those who are wondering, he sleeps through all of this...none of it even causes him to stir -- even on Saturdays when he takes middle of the night duty, I have to wake him up when it's time to feed the baby so I still get to play a lot of the game, I just don't have to get up).

So I guess that is somewhat of an update!! He slept through the night though I'm not ready to give him the victory all together. But again, I'll take it!

Click -he's asleep. Has been the last two clicks. I still click because I'm sitting still so why not? --- Oh, wait...he's wiggling, grunting...shifting...back asleep... false alarm...okay, time to go change laundry, fix lunch, make some phone calls and get ready to start this cycle all over again. But I'll admit that this past cycle I let him sleep on my chest for about an hour. He was so warm and sweet and I thought I deserved the reward for not just feeding him at 4:30 and getting him to sleep it out!

For those who are on the edge of their seats...

Well, he didn't sleep through the night again but he made it to 4:30 which isn't half bad. Of course this means I woke up at 4 when he started grunting and moving around, but I'll take what I can get!! He had a great day yesterday and so did I! We went to Perimeter Mall to see a friend, Carrie Ann and her new little boy that was born 10 days before Rhett, Carter. She and I just walked around, nibbled on some food and chatted. It was nice to get out of the house and have some company. We also went into some stores and I somehow managed not to buy anything!! Mostly because it would have been a pain, not so much because I have self control. My idea is that when I get back to a realistic, normal size, I can reward myself with some new clothes. Until then, I've gotten some sweaters and tops to try to get me through till I am somewhere near my pre-preg self again.

Rhett took some good naps yesterday, we had our adventure out and about and I got some chores done. Hopefully he is set up for another good day today. Tomorrow FJ is working, but I am going to head out for a couple hours sans Rhett when he gets home so that should be fun and interesting. I'm sure I'll be anxious to get back to him, but I haven't been away from him for more than 1 hour at this point (long enough to go to the store or one time to get my nails done - thank you Joani!!).

It's not that I want to be away from him but I have a stack of things I need to do outside of the house that would take much longer with Rhett (boxes to send, things to return, small items to buy in Target - yeah right - let's just say spend $100.56 in Target in 15 minutes or less). And of course I want FJ to be home with Rhett alone through at least one feeding cycle so he can feed him, change him, play with him, put him down and get him back up. It's not that I want him to see that it's not necessarily easy...I want him to have that bonding time...hahahahahaha... YEAH RIGHT! Though I'm sure an afternoon away won't exactly prove a point to FJ. I have figured out that if he thinks that I'm on "vacation" he should be able to do what I do on his day off since it's vacation and all!

Sunday we are having some good friends over to play with FJ's new green egg (which we have been using all week!!) and to celebrate some big news for them! Congratulations to Tony and Lyndsey who are expecting!!!! So exciting!!! I can't wait to meet Baby Milligan in August!!

We snapped some pics in the bathtub last night. He's way too cute in the tub not to take pictures. Definitely rehearsal dinner material for this poor kid!!!

It's been a good day!

The past few days haven't been great, but so far today (and it's not even 8am yet) has been awesome! Rhett missed a few naps and had a doctor's appointment so his routine was a little off. On top of that, he's so strong that he breaks out of his swaddle...naps, middle of the night - it doesn't matter. When he's ready to be free of the swaddle, he breaks out like Houdini! This wouldn't be such a huge problem if he had any control over his hands, but he doesn't. He doesn't have purposeful movement...he can't take his pacifier out or more importantly put it back in. But he has these reflexes that cause him to randomly move his hands...and frequently when he does this while he has a pacifier, the reflex is to swat the pacifier out of his mouth. Awesome, right? When he is sleeping and he gets his arms out, his reflex is to smack himself in the face and obviously he gets upset about that. I mean, can you imagine minding your own business, laying in your "bed" and just getting smacked in the face or having a pacifier that was just given to you ripped out of your mouth by a total stranger?!

So yesterday was the third less than stellar day in a row. Keep in mind that a bad day for Rhett is like a good day for a lot of babies, so it's all relative, but I'm so spoiled because he's such a good, easy baby! So he's been a little fussy and hasn't gone to sleep or taken his naps well.

Well last night, he slept THROUGH THE NIGHT!!! It could just be a fluke so I'm not jinxing myself by saying he's starting a new chapter. He stayed in his swaddle all night (he breaks out of his swaddle = he smacks himself in the face = he wakes up) and I was soooo proud! I woke up at 2 and again at 4 and checked the video monitor as well as the clock and I was keeping my fingers crossed. I can't believe he did it! I got him up at 6 to eat and play a little and put him back down for a nap at 7 and he went right to sleep. Fingers crossed that he's going to have a good day - but either way - he slept all night. Which means I slept THROUGH THE NIGHT!!! I feel like a million bucks!

Another big milestone - and this might not seem big to most people, but I am able to wear all of my rings! I have my engagement ring and two wedding bands. A couple weeks ago I was able to wear one wedding band for the first time since October (my fingers have really swollen with all of the weight gain and water retention). As you put on more rings, they fit tighter. This morning I was able to put on one band and I tried my engagement ring and it fit so I went for the last band very cautiously (don't want them to get stuck!! If I have to get them cut off, I know FJ won't replace them!!!) and it slid right on!! I couldn't believe it so I went to pull all 3 off at once to see if I had to do it one by one or if they just slid off. I was able to pull all 3 off at once!

So what does this mean? I'm getting the old me back! Slowly but surely. Little milestones make me feel much better. But really this was just the icing on top of the cake from Rhett having such a good night. I am so excited for him that he slept so well and so proud of him! My fingers are crossed that he is going to have a good day - he deserves it!

As for my day, I'm about to go make breakfast and get ready for his 9am feeding! The bug guy is coming at 11 (this is always an ordeal as he is rather chatty and insists on calling FJ to confirm whatever decision I just very clearly made) and then I am meeting a friend and her new little guy to hang out and catch up. Hopefully we can get Rhett a good afternoon nap. We're having chili tonight that is already made and the flavors are just soaking in in the fridge. Point being I don't have to make anything for dinner!!

Today has all of the makings of a great day. I don't want to put any pressure on myself or Rhett but it's started out fabulously!

I need to take some more pictures, but here are some from the snow storm that kept us all locked in last week. It started snowing Sunday night and the entire city pretty much shut down for the majority of the week. FJ didn't have to work on Monday or Tuesday. Everyone I know had cabin fever but I was just fine - I realized I didn't exactly leave on a regular basis anyway! ha! Rhett and I went on an adventure on Friday once the roads were safe and went to Target and Kohl's for an hour or two. Taking him out by myself is still a little tricky but we're getting there!

Snow Day!

We got lots of snow last night and today and FJ even got to stay home from work and spend another day with us. This was awesome since he had to work on Saturday and really only got a one day weekend. We did absolutely nothing but hang out with each other and Rhett all day! We watched movies, caught up on DVR and didn't even venture out of the house to eat. I made homemade waffles this morning from scratch and FJ made me lunch and dinner. It was a really great day.

We didn't take Rhett outside to take pictures - partially because that would have required one or both of us to get all bundled up. Poor Tucker did NOT enjoy the snow. We forced him to go outside and had several laughs at his expense.

Rhett is still sleeping pretty well. He is very sneaky and gets out of his swaddle even though we put him in there so tightly he grunts. I like to think it is because he is smart, but it's really probably operator error. Either way, if he gets out in the middle of the night, his arms hit him in the face (he ultimately hits himself but since he doesn't really know those are his arms nor does he have control over him, I feel it's unfair to say he hits himself) and that wakes him up. And once he's awake, he wants food and a clean diaper. I can't really blame the kid. So, as long as he stays pretty swaddled, he can sleep for awhile. Last night he actually slept until almost 4. I woke up at 3 and waited on him to wake up, though...psycho, I know!

So he is still sleeping well - a few times he has slept through the night. I'm not sleeping nearly as well but I'm sure it'll come. Besides, it's not like I was able to sleep a full night before he got here. The last time I slept more than a few hours in a row was maybe June? But I do see light at the end of the tunnel!

There isn't much of an update right now. He's doing great. We put together his swing and he LOVES it. It's probably gas, but he's smiling a little and I'll take it! He is also doing really well with his routine and has been great when I've taken him out. I'm just trying to figure out my routine with him...I'm sure once I get it nailed down, his routine will change. I'm actually guessing that is my life for the next 20 years in a nutshell! And I'll love it! Ha ha!

SMILE!!

I realize that this is probably gas or a fluke, but I caught him smiling and had time to get my phone, use the camera and take several shots because he kept smiling! I really don't care if it wasn't really a smile, it lit up my entire day!!! What a sweet, sweet boy!

Rhett is super clever, I've determined. He manages to claw his way out of the tightest of swaddles. We put together one of his swings last night (of course he has multiple swings) and he had a blast in it. I had him in his bouncy seat for awhile after his 6am feeding this morning and he was loving that, too. I'm still trying to figure it all out - I guess I never will get it all figured out. But sometimes it's fun to figure it out. Sometimes it's frustrating. But luckily it's a lot more fun than frustrating so far.

I can't believe he is 3 weeks old already. Week 1 of FJ being back at work is almost over. He has to work every Saturday this month so it's not quite over. He got home last night a little after 6. It was great! I felt like we had so much more time. We weren't in a rush to eat dinner, either! It was a terrific night even though Rhett didn't really get his last nap in.

And for those who are wondering, Tucker is holding up okay, too! Rhett sleeps in the nursery at night, he's never slept in our bed, so Tucker gets to snuggle with us at night. He's doing pretty well with Rhett - he doesn't quite get it, but he knows that Rhett is important to us so he is a little protective, but he's not totally on board with it. I guess he better sign up - Rhett's not going anywhere! Rhett is totally fine with with Tucker, though. His barking and running around doesn't phase Rhett at all!

Okay, well, just wanted to check in and show off his quasi smile!

Much Better!

Just a quick update to let everyone know that we are all alive, well and in good spirits and he made it through his fussy evening and even got in a cat nap! FJ and I made it through a terrific fajita salad with flank steak and Rhett slept till 5:30 this morning!!

We (Rhett and I) are going to see FJ at lunch at his new bank today. This will be my second time taking him out by myself so hopefully I'll be a little better at it. I wasn't that bad yesterday, but I couldn't find my phone and it wasn't an option to leave without it...I knew I would be asking for a flat tire if I did.

And on a very positive note - after some inspiration from Allison yesterday who kept telling me great I look - I packed up all of my maternity clothes. Thank you Space Saver Bags!!! I have so much room back in my closet. I still have a whole row of clothes that I won't even bother to look at, but I now have clothes hanging in a section of my closet that I can actually wear so my options are there. They are limited, but they are there. And organized!! Sweaters, plain tees, button down shirts, etc. No pants...still not really able to wear pants. Ha ha! Thank God for leggings. I refuse to spend money on decent jeans right now because I refuse to stay this size for long. I'm a WAYS from my pre-pregnancy/goal size so I'm thinking a good pair of jeans or two will be my reward when I get there. Hopefully for my 30th bday!

I do have some clothes to unpack that I put away when I hit about 5 months because they depressed me by even being there when they weren't an option. So this should get interesting. I'm going to hold off on opening that Pandora's box of clothing until I am a little closer to my goals...that way it'll be like shopping!

Well, our little man is starting to wake up for breakfast and to start his day (he zonks right back out after his early morning - 5-6ish feeding, but after 9, we get to play for a little bit before it's nap time again).

Only today and tomorrow until the weekend gets here and FJ gets to hang out with both of us for a couple days! Very exciting stuff. It's crazy how life and the definition of excitement has changed. I'm guessing I'll keep looking forward to the weekends when FJ is here with both of us, but I'm sure the weekdays will get easier as I work my routine into Rhett's.

Thanks for stopping by!!

Checking in

Well FJ is back at work and it's just me and Rhett! Well, we still have a lot of visitors and actually had a lunch date today and we are going to see FJ at work tomorrow for lunch.

We've had a lot going on. We've gotten onto a good routine and Rhett is sleeping really well all things considered. The Moms On Call folks have been great. The consultation went amazingly well and they have been so responsive to our millions of questions. As have our awesome and supportive friends.

Right now, I am letting him cry it out from another room. It is taking everything in me not to go pick that sweet boy up and hold him because I know he will stop crying if I do, but I also know he is not hurt and he is not even uncomfortable, he's just tired and really needs the last 30 minutes of his nap (he woke up from his nap because he worked his way out of his swaddle - this long legged/armed man is like a magician).

FJ has had to work late the last two nights which I know breaks his heart. For those who don't know, he got a promotion 2 days before Rhett was born (not sure if I mentioned that or not before). So he has a lot of work in front of him and a lot of challenge, but also a lot of reward and recognition. Rhett loves bed time - he gets to spend time with his dad. FJ gives him a bath and feeds him a bottle and then puts him to bed. He goes straight down whenever FJ does it so he must have the magic touch...I wish I had it right about now (still wailing).

I'm trying to work out my routine now that we have Rhett on his. It's getting better each day. (I swear this kid can see the video monitor camera - he is staring into it with these little eys...okay now he has them slammed shut and his mouth is gaping open as he screams bloody murder...then stops and looks around again).

This sequence of events is highly unusual, he is never fussy at all so I feel for him because I know he must be tired.

A few random things that I wasn't aware of about after you have a baby...night sweats...not so much fun. But definitely worth the time after he eats that he just lays on my chest and makes these little baby murmurs. I also didn't realize that the whole "eat, sleep, poop" thing was 100% true and that the pooping part is continuous. I have yet to "waste" a diaper unless he somehow peed or pooped on it before I got it on him. Which technically isn't a waste.

So this is hardly a warm and fuzzy post, but it's realistic which is the point of recording all of this. When I'm having a blast with him, I can't exactly get to the computer because I am holding him and rubbing his soft head of hair or kissing him on his yummy face.

I need to get more pictures of him. I discovered that my camera is not that great (he moves too quickly for the shutter speed I guess?)! I can't wait to have Susan come take some good pics of him!!

Okay, he's down now! I have a few minutes to go get dinner started so that when FJ comes home he can play with Rhett and we can eat before it's bed time for all of us!

More to come later this week, promise!!